BEING HEAVY
It is ironic. For those that knew me growing up - I was never a big girl. Average sized and "shapely" in the "good" way, in the way you want to be. I can remember telling a friend that I would rather die than weigh 150lbs.. I made her promise me that if I ever got that heavy, to just KILL me! How awful it must be to get that large.
Speed up to age 24. Planning a wedding and Husband-to-be received a job offer from the Walmart Home Office. In middle of it all, we pick up and move to North West Arkansas from South Shore Massachusetts. Away from all of our Friends and our Families. On top of it all, I am now unemployed and need to find a job. This is May, 2000. We found a house, bought it and moved into it in a week. LITERALLY! I found a job the same week with in the Walmart Home Office. Then, I continued to plan my wedding, which was to be back home, in Plymouth, MA - where I was not. Can you say stressed?!
What I found with all of these changes was comfort where I never looked for it before - FOOD. As we got settled (took a year!) and made friends we found that we would entertain and that would involve FOOD! See the pattern? Then, one thing led to the next and I weighed 220lbs.. You think that was my heaviest and wake up call. NOPE!
After a few years of trying to get pregnant and not being able to, I found out I had Poly cystic Syndrome. With this, it complicates many things - pregnancy to weight loss. I had visited with an Fertility Endocrinologist in Tulsa, OK to see what we could do and if I would ever be able to get pregnant. Finally, I asked if there were any studies I could participate in - as IVF was too expensive and I tried everything else, he said yes. BUT I had to loose at least 20 lbs first to be able to qualify. He put me on a 1200 calorie diet. It was TORTURE! But I did it! Long story short - I have Liam and Seamus now. And before you ask how I feel about HCG.....guess what I helped test for the study??!! So, HCG is AWESOME!! I am blessed with two amazing little boys because of HCG!
After my pregnancies, my weight went down, then up, and up, and up and up. I finally topped out at 285lbs when I visited the Doctor in February of 2011. YES!! 285lbs.! Now, I have NEVER told ANYONE that number until today!
By the way - this is NOT what motivated me to loose the weight!
MOTIVATION
Many people asked me what motivated me. It is an embarrassing moment.
One thing that happens when you go from being thin to not so much is - you are aware that you are no longer thin - but you are not REALLY aware how bad it has gotten. What I mean is, even though I knew I was no longer the small size 8 or what have you - I did not see myself as this big woman. Only time I did was in photos. So, I just avoided them! If I had to be in them, I sat in a certain way to ensure it was not all that obvious of HOW big I had gotten. I was not unhealthy. I could "run", play and skate with my kids. I didn't like doing much of it and it was my excuse not to. Never did it click that I probably would if I lost some weight.
SO, the day it all CLICKED!! I was at Silver Dollar City with my family. Which if you are a friend on Facebook, you know we go there often. Liam and Seamus have both come to the age and height where they can ride the kids roller coaster. But both need an adult to accompany them on the ride. Sean was going with Seamus and Liam had asked me to go on with him. Happy to do so, until I sat down on the ride with him. The operator pushed the bar down to lock us in and it would NOT CLOSE. I tried to sit at a different angle. I tried to suck in my tummy. I tried everything I could think of and think of fast to avoid further embarrassment. Nothing worked. I could NOT go on the ride with my child. My little boy wanted him Mommy to ride on the roller coaster with him and I could not do it - because I was too large. I could not fit into it and keep us safe.
This was August of 2010. I went through some back and forth personal thoughts and fights. What did I want to do? What was I prepared to do? What was I willing to do?
DOCTORS VISIT
In all of the years of visiting Doctors, I have never had one tell me that I should consider loosing weight. Only time it came up was for the Infertility Study. So, when I had an appointment with my Doctor that February 201 - I brought it up. I told him "I want to do something about this!", as I gestured to myself.
My Doctor's instant reply was that I needed to go on a 1,000 calorie diet. I looked him like he was NUTS! and then told him I thought he was. I told him I did 1,200 and it was hard and he wanted me to cut out an additional 200 calories!
This is when he replied " Think of your lifestyle, an average woman who runs 45 minutes on a treadmill burns 350 calories. How long are you running on a treadmill?"
Well, of course I am not. Which means - why do I need to intake so many calories? I don't. My body doesn't need them to sit at the computer to run spreadsheets and do analysis. And if I am honest with myself, I don't really run after the boys that much anymore - so the calories are not needed for that either. I live a very sedative lifestyle. In other words - I sit on my BOOTIE a lot!
So, that is where it began. He told me that I had to start the diet and come back in one month. At the next appointment he would want to see how I did and what he could do to help me. But first, I needed to prove that I was willing to do the work. Willing to show I could do the work.
1000 Calories. WOW! What could I eat for 1000 calories and still feel like I ate? Not feel like I starved?
ADVICE
If you are wanting to diet - 1000 calories is extreme. Most don't recommend going under 1,200 calories. Also, if you exercise, you need to account in your calories. Remember that calories gives your body the energy it needs to move and function.
ALWAYS check with your Doctor before going on a diet. Especially any extreme ones! Please note one constant thing. I worked with my Primary Care Dr through this whole experience.
ME - THEN
Here is a reminder of the BEFORE if you missed it!
or one that literally makes me cry as I wonder how I did not know I got this way. Why it took me so long to do anything about it?
I received a wonderful award from Walmart - being recognized from my hard work. This is what I looked like.
XOXO and Love,
Kerry
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