The things that we are never prepared for as a parent. We know they happen - but when we are told that something is wrong with our own - it is amazing how quickly our minds go into many different directions.
Seamus has been back and forth with a fever. He has been on antibiotics for over a week. I decided to bring him to the DR. just to be sure that there was nothing else that could be causing this. There was only one opening and with a newer Dr. - at least to the clinic. I took the appointment - haven't come accross any of the other Dr's that I have had a problem with, so I was comfortable in doing so.
Through the questions - went through history and all - and then the exam. She was very direct and to the point. Which is great - those tend to be best DR's , the ones with zero personality. After she starts telling me how Seamus appears to still have sinusitis, so she is going to extend his antibiotics. He has a heart murmur and has anyone ever told me that? His lungs look good. His ears look clear....UM WAIT A MINUTE?! You asked what about my child's HEART?!!!
One would of thought she asked me if I needed a tissue. I came and went so fast. When I told her no - she said they will set up an appointment at Arkansas Children's Hospital's branch in Lowell, AR. for a chest x-ray and eco. UM - HELLLOOOOO?! What are you telling me? Should I be worried? But for some reason, I could not reach for these words.
I am a rational person. I know not to take the word of someone as fact until there is evidence to support it. So, I know not to panic - too much - until tests are done and results are in. I know that people live with heart murmurs daily. I know some never even know it and live normal lives. But could not help stopping and thinking - really? my baby? tear tear.
First thing I did was try reaching Daddy. Yup - in meetings. Grrr. Never so aggrivated that I could not reach my husband to tell him something. Called my Mom - I need you to be the voice of reason and confirm what I know - this is not a big deal and will be ok. Yet, through the conversation, I could not help but feel slightly paniced. Called my friend Liesl, girl, if you read this...thank you! Exactly what I wanted to hear - no worries, probably nothing....wait for tests....and DO NOT GOOGLE! Of course, when I got home - pulled up WebMD. Knowing that the worse of the worse is what they will tell you. Actually it didn't. Told me how there are different levels. Most are the normal and will be okay. Depending on how bad, slight lifestyle adjustments, no worse than an asthmatic child. Then the bad - But I know we will not fall into that, so no need to mention!
Today, I did put everything into perspective. The news came out that a 4th grade boy had lost his life at recess. A soccer goal fell on him and he died from his injuries. I cried for the loss of his life. For the feelings his Family must be going through. For the heartbreak and many feelings that I can not even begin to imagine his Mother is going through. I pray for them. Thought of them and realized that a heart murmur is okay. I can deal with that. My child is still with me. My hug is not the last one. I will tell you, we cuddled a little closer and hugged a little tighter.
GOD BLESS this Family. May You help them through this time. May they understand your plan and be somewhat at peace. Amen.
HUGS,
Kerryanne
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